There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
