people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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