My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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