No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
