Someone shit on the floor
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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