so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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