if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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