The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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