My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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