I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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