I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
why do cheetos always look like penises
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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