Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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