so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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