so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
