I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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