I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
