I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
