So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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