bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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