I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
