I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
farters have to be the big spoon...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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