That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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