nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
false alarm. still invincible.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
