No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
