There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
