Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
