sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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