He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize