I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
