My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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