she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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