Pappa wants mamma naked
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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