yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sobbing to NWA
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
