So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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