I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
