You can't special order awesome
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
