I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
