I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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