i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
