well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We got so high we made milksteak
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
