He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
