You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
