the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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