I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
