The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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