I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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