I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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