Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
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