I cannot find my penis.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
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Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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