bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
