I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
