Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
