My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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