i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
