i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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