So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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