So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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