chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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