I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
