Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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