bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i drank out of a bidet.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
