Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
