I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
