Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
