Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
