I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
