another moral hangover. fuck.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's not a walk of shame if you run
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
