Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm at about main and main street
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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