I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
