Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
