How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
