I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
