so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
