i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
