i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
