Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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